All I want for Christmas…

Back when I was a tadpole Christmas for me was easy. Mad easy. All I wanted for Christmas was my two front teeth, a purple Huffy with a banana seat and streamers dangling from the handlebars and, perhaps, some Jellys.

Later in life, Christmas became a practical event. I wanted underwear, socks and cash or things that could be placed on E-bay for cash.

As I mature, my wish for Christmas becomes increasingly prosaic. For the sake of my loved ones and to make shopping for me easier, I decided to publish my Christmas list.
All I want for Christmas is …

1. Peace and damn quiet;


2. Freedom from intrusive questions;


3. The gift of not asking me when I’ll abandon my life of leisure for a steady 8-5;


4. No inquires on the state of my love life or lack thereof;


5. No betting with the House on when I’ll have kids;


6. Immunity from requests for cash

And if you really want to help me out this season…

7. Call my pimp, Sallie Mae, and tell her you got, no put $5 on it. That bitch wants her money.

Let me have the leisurely and luxurious Christmas you desire for yourself.